What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
