I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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