yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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