I like my sex mixed with concussions.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
