She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
