She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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