shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
