I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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