If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My dick has a subreddit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
