What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
