she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
