it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
