Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
