And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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