The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
