I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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