Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
