I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
