did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
