SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
