i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
