i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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