you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
