to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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