I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
