you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
