Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
