She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
