Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
