my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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