i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you traded sex for a burrito?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
