gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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