just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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