I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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