I seem to have left my pride at pride
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
