i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
