Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
