I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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