i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
