Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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