is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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