dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
