If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
