dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
false alarm, still single
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
