You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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