I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize