if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
