we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
