MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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