I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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