there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
