New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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