I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
