Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
