i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
