Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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