Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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