So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
