So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
