Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
