nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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