Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
