Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.