what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?