Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

(1-817): View more from Texas

OMG. What did u say?

(817): View more from Texas

I told her I did too.

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(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w

Replies (11) Good night (1339) Bad night (666)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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(504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf

Replies (157) Good night (32065) Bad night (1498)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...

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(304): apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training... http://tfl.nu/a5eu

Replies (36) Good night (4285) Bad night (837)
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(917): View more from New York City

If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

(917): View more from New York City

Those had pot in them

(917): View more from New York City

And good luck on your interview asshole

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(917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g

Replies (51) Good night (17664) Bad night (1798)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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(407): I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame. http://tfl.nu/841f

Replies (5) Good night (3690) Bad night (895)
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(773): View more from Illinois

She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in

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(773): She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in http://tfl.nu/bue7

Replies (6) Good night (4088) Bad night (981)
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(409): View more from Texas

Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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(409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo

Replies (34) Good night (9455) Bad night (2533)
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(217): View more from Illinois

she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

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(217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd

Replies (3) Good night (2323) Bad night (1300)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.

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(870): I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me. http://tfl.nu/cvaz

Replies (9) Good night (2248) Bad night (1340)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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(508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv

Replies (3) Good night (2888) Bad night (830)
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(831): View more from California

high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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(831): high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth. http://tfl.nu/l561

Replies (3) Good night (1671) Bad night (653)
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(707): View more from California

I wish your snatch was here

(443): View more from Maryland

If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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(707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8

Replies (12) Good night (1785) Bad night (745)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".

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(570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me". http://tfl.nu/8pyn

Replies (10) Good night (4256) Bad night (738)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.

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(902): Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on? (1-902): I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over. http://tfl.nu/3b2m

Replies (8) Good night (524) Bad night (875)
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(310): View more from California

He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then

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(310): He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then http://tfl.nu/yowr

Replies (3) Good night (556) Bad night (481)

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