i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.