there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.