I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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