Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
