i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
