we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
