After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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