does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
