she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
