I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
