if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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