I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
