I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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