If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
