Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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