Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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